Eric Smith, P.S. Literary

Mr. Smith:

Please understand that I am not following your format because I am pitching three novels, not one.

With a high degree of certainty, I can state that I am presenting you with one of the most lucrative opportunities an unpublished writer has ever awarded a literary agent. I, Frank Lee Rio, am offering you the chance to represent me in the marketing of three solid, fun, and funny novels, the "New Pandoria" series.

This writer took full advantage of the Covid-19 shutdown to rewrite a novel completed in 2011, another finished in 2016, and the third completed earlier this year. I am sorry to say that I found more typos, inconsistencies, and continuity problems than I had anticipated. The great news is that all three volumes of "New Pandoria" are ready for the press.

The "New Pandoria" series consists of:

"Welcome to New Pandoria" aka “Mississippi Sizzling”

"The Fluffy Manifesto"

"The Cult of Leftism Versus The Not-Left Coalition"

These are crime novels viewed through a lens of dark humor and feature ongoing plots and recurring characters. New Pandoria is an obvious reference to Pandora's Box, a world where criminals discover the many wonders of biochemical weapons. It is an America much like the America we know, but with livelier characters.

In addition to the three novels mentioned above, I also have a bildungsroman completed in 2007, which should be published under a different name. Of course, I would like to write more in the "New Pandoria" series, but that will only happen if my first four novels see the light of day.

Biography:

Frank Lee Rio is the real-life Kilgore Trout who has worked absurd job after absurd job to support his writing habit. You might have talked to Frank if you requested a mental health evaluation or a termite inspection. You might have purchased a pizza from Frank. Your medicine cabinet might contain products once tested on Frank during his professional human guinea days. If you read medical texts you might see close-ups of Frank from his days as a wart model. There is a good chance that you already have some familiarity with Frank Lee Rio.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Respectfully,

Frank Lee Rio

603-502-4346

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P.S. Literary is as arrogant as any other traditional agency. If you don't hear from us in 4-6 weeks, it means that we are too busy basking in our self-importance to bother with an autoreply rejection. 

They don't charge a reading fee. How accommodating! I sent them a query but I am not holding my breath. Deep down and down deep I think I will be represented by a less traditional agent.