Chapter 11: Raid

Chapter 11: Raid

Steven Gouger stood over his butch-cut female teammate, Cheryl Grimes, who subdued a female suspect, Ann Leigh Lee, on the dog dirt-encrusted carpet of Mrs. Lee's living room. Mrs. Lee was a meth head as well as a dealer and Steven Gouger would once more reflect on the unpredictable nature of speed freaks. The raid was conducted at dawn and neither Mr.Lee nor Mrs. Lee were sleeping. They were both multi-tasking a dozen separate chores---duties involving cooking and plumbing and baking and fiberglass insulation and caulking and canning and painting and small engine repair and myriad other jobs none of which related to cleaning in any way, shape or form—accompanied by the gentle rhythms of “Crime and Justice “ dialog blasting on all six television sets and the wafting bouquet of dog feces, dog urine, wet dog fur, cooked cabbage and chocolate chip cookies.

Pop! Pop! Pop! Steven Gouger felt himself grow queasy. His buddy, Ronnie Delveccio, had been assigned to doggie detail. It was his job to eliminate every canine weapon in the drug dealer's fortress. Six weeks ago, the Lee's tan pit bull gave birth to seven pups. So in addition to the mother and the oversized brindle sire, Ronnie Delveccio was now responsible for securing the safety of his fellow Drug Enforcement Agents from the additional weaponry. Steven Gouger worried about the emotional toll the assignment might take on his warm-hearted friend.

Steven Gouger had only known Ronnie a few months and in that time they became best friends. Years ago Steven Gouger had adopted three cats from someone he had helped send to prison. He would add another perp cat and one of the originals would die of a rare feline illness. He let it be known that he would provide temporary shelter for any cat whose owner was incarcerated. His wife, Lauretta, was tolerant of her husband's mission but warned him that things would change when the kids arrived.

But the stork would bypass the Gouger house and Steven and Lauretta would struggle with the vicious despair of infertility. Their marriage was a montage of doctors and specialists and consultants and more doctors and specialists and consultants, supplemented changes in diet and exercise, internet searches, re-commitment to Christ, more internet searches, a commitment to a more serious study of Scripture, dietary supplements and more recently, an indulgence in psychics and soothsayers.

Around the office, Steven Gouger was called the Catman. Most people assumed that he and his wife had decided against starting a real family and they would make stupid comments about their preference for cats over kids. Steven Gouger recalled a hot shot agent who had been involved in a high speed chase. “I can't die. I have a family,” he summarized.

That comment irked Steven because the hot shot was a chronic drunk and all around loser. His kids would have been better off with a cardboard cutout of a father. But his life had more value than Steven or Lauretta's. And Steven would recall Dingy Diane, the office manager who constantly complained about the high cost of feeding and clothing her family. “I think you and your wife made the right decision to have cats instead of kids.”

And Steven Gouger would remember the water cooler conversation after a nine year old girl had been abducted and murdered and her body had been found. One of the older women had told an attractive, childless twenty five year old year old agent named Alexia Anson, “You don't know what it's like to lose a child.” Neither did the old broad know what that experience was like. Her three kids were alive and healthy but somehow she had feelings that people like Alexia and Steven could never understand.

The damn fools! Steven and Lauretta had lost a dozen times over. No flowers and pity for Steven and Lauretta. No Hallmark moments and warm hugs. Go back to your iceberg, cat people. You are not quite as human as the rest of us.

Then Ronnie Delveccio transferred to Mississippi from Massachusetts. Uh-oh, we have another cat lover. Ronnie Delveccio and his wife, Jackie were childless with three cats. On the night they met, the two men went out for a beer and became instant buds. Ronnie and Jackie had been trying for over three years to start a family. They had ridden the roller coaster of hope only to be left empty. Both men commented on their eery similarities and how strange it seemed for them to get acquainted.

Thereafter the Catboys rode an inside joke. No matter what they might have been discussing, when another coworker joined their company, one of them would change the subject to felis domesticus. Steven would proclaim, “Did you know that a cat's sense of hearing is so sensitive that...” and Ronnie Delveccio would whip out wallet photos of shelter cats currently up for adoption.

The wives hit it off as well as the men and special bonds were formed. Now, standing in filth and chaos, Steven Gouger worried about his sensitive friend. Mrs. Lee's cries added to the pandemonium. “Don't hurt my babies.” Gurgle. Sob. Gurgle. “My babies.”

Oh gee. Ronnie Delveccio feels bad enough. The last thing he needs is to hear this loser cry about her dead dogs. Steven Gouger depressed the “Mute Input” button on his helmet as he stooped to whisper into Cheryl Grimes' ear. “I'm going to point the helmet cam over there,” as he pointed down a narrow hallway.

Cheryl Grimes nodded but the perpetrator went right on screaming and swearing. Steven Gouger felt his rage bubbling up inside and resisted the impulse to kick both women in their hollow heads. “Stupid fucking cunts,” he muttered under his breath.

Steven Gouger briefly reflected on the failed social experiment of women in the workplace. Put a but of strange men together and give them a task and it is as if someone is choreographing the raising of the barn or the building of the deck. Everything just falls into place. Every man finds his right job and he does it.

Put a woman in the mix and everything goes haywire. Women are always the whistleblowers. The spies. The snitches. The drama queens. The litigants.

Tell a man to silence a prisoner. You turn your head for a second and the prisoner shuts his mouth. Tell that to a woman and you just get more screaming. They might as well see who can scream louder.

Steven Gouger observed the prisoner. She lay belly down on the tattered and stained brown carpet, her head turned to her left, her long brown hair twisted in every direction. Agent Grimes was sprawled sideways across her back. Pop! The bullet to the face caused a pup's body to spasm in a last run that propelled him past a half dozen invaders and terminated with a collapse just inches away from Ann Leigh Lee's face.

Steven Gouger briefly considered something Roger Roy has said about Agent-In-Charge, Rex Stewart. It was widely rumored that Stewart also did extra-curriculars. Roger Roy told him privately that Stewart had placed Ronnie on doggie patrol to spur his transfer out of the Jackson office. Few people can stay on that assignment long term. Stewart wanted to pack the Jackson office with only his trusted personnel.

Steven Gouger did not like to admit that Roy was right about anything but he conceded that he probably was. Ronnie was hired in before Special-Agent-In-Charge Levinson suddenly left on medical leave. Had Stewart been running the show, he would have gotten one his cowboys in the office instead of a Yankee from Massachusetts. Now Ronnie was stuck on doggie patrol until he could no longer stomach the slaughter. What then? Agent Gouger, welcome to the counter-canine unit. No!

A burly agent named Steve Sanders whisked past Steven Gouger and turned off the living room TV with its oversized, water-damaged humazoo speakers that filled the house with muddy noise. For a small second, it was quiet. Then...Pop!

Steven Gouger jumped slightly and then slowly shook his helmeted head. He and Ronnie had a lot of thinking to do.